Thursday, July 3, 2014

Miss June

I say Miss June for a few reasons, June was a month of celebrations and commiserations.  It has been a pretty bumpy ride, and I would love to have skipped over it.  Not only have we been plodding along with all of our therapy, we snuck some botox in, got an ALL CLEAR on an MRI for little Mr Boogie, who they thought may have had a tumour pressing on his cochlear nerve.  We have done 2 weeks of serial casting, post botox too ... And then my birthday on the 24th, went to the Casino, won enough to pay off a speeding fine .. whoop whoop haha .. Yes I know speeding fine wrap me over the knuckles - haven't had one in years, honest!!

But the day after my birthday, hours before we were going to drop off some cake to my pop, Boogies GREAT Grand Poppy ... He passed away, peacefully at home.  I am not sure whether to write off June or deal with it, but the first of this month marked the day of his funeral so it kind of carried over a bit.  Boogie and his Poppy were SOUL MATES ... They had this little streak to both of them, to be honest I think it made Poppy younger, I have fond memories of him terrorising a 3 year old that could barely walk with a vacuum cleaner, with little Mr Boogie giggling his absolute ass off!!

We have spent every day since his passing talking about him, not from bringing it all up personally, but because his little soul misses him soo much already.  It has been absolutely heart breaking!! So instead he spent the week in between drawing pictures to send with him.  We went to the shops to buy some rainbow lollies to put in too.  And a magic wand so he can keep playing his tricks up over the rainbow.  The rainbow theme has significance though...

Boogie has previously lost another poppy too, when he was 3.  It was soo hard to explain to him what was going on, and as far as he knew he got to say goodbye to Poppy John who was in a "box" as he called it, which was sent up to heaven, on a RAINBOW.  But this time he understood a little bit more.  I am one for closure, death is a normal process in our lives - unfortunately.  But I didn't want to shield him from it entirely, I wanted him to be able to say goodbye!  It was one thing I didn't get to do to my Grandfather when I was younger, and it is a regret that I still have now in Adulthood.

So this time, I explained that when you die, your soul and your heart goes to heaven first, and that we then have a funeral so that we can send their body to heaven too when his family is ready to say good bye to it.  It kind of clicked with him.  He went to the viewing, and put his beautiful little gifts inside and said goodbye, he sat ever so quietly through the funeral, which for anyone who knows Boogie personally this is a HUGE achievement... We then walked behind as he was taken to the car and guard of honour as it drove towards the street.  It was at this moment that his poor little self broke down.  And it was more than heart breaking to watch.

I squeezed him sooooooooo tight!  It wasn't one of those small crocodile tears type cries, it was a gulping for air, whole body type cries.  And as I held him, chin resting on my shoulder I heard the majority of the other guests attempt to hold back their cries too!! He lost his soul mate.  His partner in crime.  He was heart broken.  And I couldn't fix it. Suddenly though he proclaimed: "So is this car going to take off now and go to heaven?"  I couldn't help but giggle, no mate the rainbow needs a runway, for him to take off first.  His innocence was back!!

I love that he looks for rainbows... To him rainbows signify his Poppy John looking out for him, and now Poppy too .. I love that it is winter and there is plenty of opportunities for him to see them at the moment.  I think it will let him have his thinking moments, and know that Both Poppies are looking out for him, Forever!  I love that he has that closure in his life and that he can have that little moment, whether it be out loud or to himself.  As much as I am a religious person, I have brought him up with light touches of it - Heaven etc, but still giving him the innocence for him to learn and decide what beliefs he will have one day when he is good and ready to understand it.  He amazes me every day with his resilience.  I can only hope he grows up to be half the man his Poppy was, he has been such a HUGE part of our lives over the years.  And his cheekiness will definitely live on in Boog! Hold your loved ones tight, you just never know when we will stumble over that rainbow! xxx 

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